Tentacles

1977 Jaws rip-off

Rating: 6/20 (Dylan: 20/20)

Plot: Henry Fonda is digging a tunnel or something, and somehow awakens a giant octopus which begins terrorizing a nondescript beach community. It grabs babies and devours fisherman and ruins child yacht races. Somebody's got to stop it, and Richard Dreyfuss is nowhere to be found!

Dylan was convinced that this was a comedy and said it's the funniest one he's ever seen. He doesn't know what he's talking about though. Remember, he's the same guy who gave Dr. Strangelove a 6/20. I'm amazed at this piece of garbage's cast. John Huston plays his cliched character stoically. The sultry and seductive Shelly Winters really hams it up (no, Cory, she doesn't die in this one). And poor Henry Fonda just looks completely lost. There are far too many characters in this, and there's far too much incoherent dialogue. I really would have liked to see more tentacles, especially since that's the title of the movie, but maybe that's just my love of Japanese tentacle porn coming out. Almost frustratingly (not quite, but almost), there are some moments in this movie that are almost (almost!) good. There's some nifty stylistic touches when the monster's first making his moves during the exposition. It's style that feels plundered, but it's still a little style. The scene with the baby and the others are startling, more startling since we don't get to see the culprit right away. But it doesn't take too long to realize that we're dealing with complete ineptitude here. The underwater scenes are nicely done, but a lot of the shots of boats look like they're being filmed by a drowning man. And there are lots of close-ups of the backs of people's heads, the sides of boats, and (most alarmingly) crotches. There was a shot of a belt buckle that actually convinced me I was supposed to have 3D glasses on. I thought that belt buckle was going to wind up in my living room! The most embarrassing scene in the movie involves a hefty Italian guy (the underwater shots of his body are the most horrifying parts of this movie) enjoying a swim. The director plays the fake attack card (you know, the here's-some-scary-music-and-a-shot-from-the-perspective-of-an-attacker-because-oh-no-he's-about-to-be-attacked-but-no-it's-just-his-friend-playing-a-joke-ha-ha trick) very awkwardly. Twice! Withing two minutes! Also embarrassing is the soundtrack. Inspired by Jaws, the filmmakers knew they'd have to have a sort of memorable theme for the octopus, Tentacles' dum-duh, dum-duh. But the five-note motif used here, something that sounds like a cat falling on a piano, is just dumb. Things get beyond ridiculous when Bo Hopkins delivers a seemingly endless monologue while straddling a killer whale tank. It's nothing less than a magical movie moment, but it's only a prelude to a climactic battle scene (SPOILER ALERT!) between a pair of killer whales and the giant octopus. Yeah, that's exactly as badass as it sounds.