Gammera the Invincible

1966 big monster movie

Rating: 8/20

Plot: Russian planes carrying nuclear bombs are shot down. This wakes up Gammera, a prehistoric turtle who eats fire, has the ability to fly, and destroys things. He's made of rubber.

The ensemble cast here just might be the worst ever assembled. And it's not the dubbing (although that is ridiculous) because the worst offenders are the American actors. The characters in this one somehow manage to be goofier than the monster, a giant rubber turtle that can scoot through the skies like a flying saucer and spew fire. There's the Japanese photographer who can't figure out what to take pictures of without being told. There's the Christian Eskimos who warn the Japanese visitors about a giant prehistoric turtle for absolutely no reason. And just the name "Gammera" spoken by Eskimos makes dogs bark and children scatter. There's the general who butchers his lines so badly that when the other characters in the room are shown, they all have expressions like they're expecting the director to yell "Cut!" and start over again. Then, the senator in the room impossibly ends up being worse! There's a dopey child actor, a kid so obsessed with turtles (of course) that his teacher is threatening to expel him from school. But standing above them all is the scientist Dr. Contrare who is shown debating another scientist on a television program. Bad acting is bad acting, and in a movie like this, it's often difficult for a bad actor to get his performance noticed. But Alan Oppenheimer's performance stands out, a crochet needle in a haystack of awful performances. You'll see Alan Oppenheimer's name as a nominee for the Torgo at the end of the year. There are some dazzling special effects in this movie--burning planes, toy boats, flying Gammera. There's an explosion described by a character with the "only a nuclear bomb can create an explosion like that" even though it looks like a cheap firecracker. And I never knew that train cars full of gas sound just like gun shots when they explode. The monster itself isn't too bad. He apparently likes children, enough for me to suspect that he's a pedophile. He doesn't seem like a very intelligent monster although he doesn't have any other weaknesses. As one scientist so expertly opines, once Gammera is on his back, he can't get on his feet again. Really? I could have been a scientist if that's all it takes. The destruction of the miniatures is entertaining, and I really like one terrible transition from an attack of an airport to a bunch of kids dancing to a rock 'n' roll song with lyrics that go "Gammera! Gammera! Gammera!" I'm easily entertained though. It all ends rather stupidly and then finds a way to end again more stupidly by throwing the words "Sayonara Gammera" on the screen.

Watched on the big screen at school with frequent interruptions from colleagues.