The Legend of Drunken Master

1994 kung-fu movie

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Posters have invaded China, and folks are panicking. They call on Jackie Chan to save the day, and [Spoiler Alert! Although the poster to the left actually spoils it all anyway.] he uses his drunken fighter style to punch holes in the evil posters. Comically.

I didn't think much of Jackie Chan before I saw this movie. I had seen a couple fistfuls of kung-fu flicks and liked the genre, and everything I knew about Jackie Chan--his general reputation, the small sampling of his work that I'd seen--made me assume that he was like a kung-fu sell-out or something, too popular or new school to be worth my time. The Legend of Drunken Master floored me when I first saw it, and the terrifically creative and acrobatic fight scenes still floor me today. The plot of this one, along with some embarrassing dubbing and some less-than-stellar acting, isn't anything to write home about. Luckily, the bulk of this is made up of those action sequences. The first, mostly taking place beneath a train, shows off rapid movements and some choreography that utilizes every square inch of that confined space. But the fight scenes just get better and better. A lengthy climax in a factory is fast and furious and eye-popping, featuring a guy with legs that moved so quickly and rubbery that I thought for sure they were computer-generated legs. But I think I like the two fight scenes in the middle--one where the character first demonstrates his drunken style to beat down a collective of goons and another where he and a partner take on a ton of dudes with axes--even better. Jackie Chan's known for his stunts, his fluid movements, and his use of humor and props. Here, at nearly forty, Chan's at the top of his game, and if you're a fan of kung-fu movies at all, there are several action sequences that will have you reaching for the rewind button so that you can see them again. They're good enough to help you forgive all the attempts at humor that fall completely flat. The original Drunken Master movie from 1978 is also worth watching, by the way. Compared to this version, it's more traditional and not nearly as flashy, but it's still a solid martial arts flick with that white-haired old guy Siu Tien Yuen who I really like.

Legendary Weapons of China

1982 kung-fu movie

Rating: 14/20

Plot: Assassins are sent to hunt down a kung-fu master who was teaching students to not die when shot by bullets but who ran away when he discovered that it was impossible not to die when shot by bullets. A bunch of fighting takes place.

This is bookended by the opening credits which showcase the titular legendary weapons and a lengthy fight scene at the end where the pair of foes use more than a dozen legendary weapons. It's enough swish-swish-swooshing to make even the most experienced martial arts aficionado a little dizzy, but that climactic fight scene is properly considered one of the best ever. There's an emotional edge, too. But like most Shaw Brothers' flicks, that's not really what we're looking for here. This one's colorful and confusing, muddled by too much comic relief and a potpourri of characters, some who don't even seem to know their own genders. I was really confused by a con artist character and didn't always understand the motivations of the characters. But once this gets going, it goes hard, and that array of legendary weapons is enough to make any kung-fu fan as stiff as a Chinese spear. Even Charlie Sheen's butler would call it epic.

Ip Man

2008 Hong Kong Phooey

Rating: 17/20

Plot: The tale of Yip Man and why he lost his Y. Loosely (I imagine very loosely) based on a real-life tough guy in Foshan, a town packed with martial arts schools, who single-handedly-and-footedly beats up every single Japanese person and teaches China the art of Wing Chun. Bruce Lee, according to the poster, learned from him.

Not only is this an action-packed kung-fu film stuffed with lots and lots of images of guys getting kicked in the side of the face in slow motion (a modern kung-fu movie idea that will likely be beaten into the ground), it's a great movie. The cinematography is impressive, and the 1930s Foshan they've created is very realistic. The acting's good, especially the stoic Donnie Yen as the titular Yip, a guy whose got that gift of having such a presence even if he's not doing anything, reminiscent, I think, of the commanding screen presence that Bruce Lee had. And the scenes when he actually does do things on screen? Electric. The fight scenes are terrific--intensely exciting and often even emotional. There's a scene near the middle of the film where Yen fights Japanese soldiers for the first time, and from the moment he says, "I'm going to fight ten of you mo-fos" (that's my paraphrase) to the last strike, I was all goose-pimply. It's one of those fight scenes that, if you enjoy martial arts movies, you just have to rewind and watch again. You never really get the sense that Yen's character is in any danger at all though; in fact, I wondered if it was in his contract that he was not to be struck on screen or something. Still, regardless of whether or not there's any suspense about who is going to win any of the fight scenes, it's great fun watching Yen's quickness and fluid movement and there's nothing going on that makes it unrealistic or fantastical like some other modern kung-fu classics. With flying fists, swinging axes, dancing long poles, and busting bones, this has enough to please both old school kung-fu aficionados and fans of all those beautifully photographed, more mature martial arts dramas that have been made this century. I'm not sure about the historical accuracy. I'm also pretty sure that Ip Man is really a glossy action-oriented propaganda film. But who cares?

A confession: I may have watched this only to prevent it from being Kairow's movie-of-the-month selection for March because it would mess up the movie I want to pick in a few months. He can have credit for the recommendation though.

Taoism Drunkard

1984 kung-fu insanity

Rating: 14/20

Plot: Umm. Well, the titular drunkard breaks a statue, and to make up for it, he has to find the cherry boys and the Virgin Chicken. Meanwhile, a kung-fu demon is trying to steal some holy writing, but he's having a difficult time getting past a grandmother and a watermelon monster. That's right. A freakin' watermelon monster. Confession: I have almost no idea what was going on during most of this movie.

This is how I like my kung-fu--nice and insane. Within ten minutes, you get the following: some spacey sound effects, knee knives, some flying, a guy who has no palm lines, a flashback that sort of explains why he has no palm lines, tongue removal, a porcupine man, these cool physics-defying metal balls that a guy uses as weapons, and a drunken guy driving a car shaped like a mouse. Don't think that Taoism Drunkard shoots its wad too early though. You don't have to wait too long before the real star of the show makes his appearance. The Watermelon Monster:

This is the thing that guards the writing that the devil guy is trying to steal. It hops and flies around, snapping its teeth (it seems to go straight for the groin) and nipple-tweaking with these tentacle things. It's the greatest thing ever, and I realize I've written that exact same thing about eighty different things on this blog, but this time I mean it. And the zaniness doesn't let up after this first appearance of this spherical fighting machine. No, you get a kung-fu fighter who can retract his head and arms into him like a turtle, articles of clothing used as weapons, attack tables, the biggest sword I think I've ever seen, a poison that ages the victim, urine drinking, an homage to the Marx Brothers' mirror gag, a giant stone foot that pops out of the wall and kicks people, and in my personal favorite scene, a kung-fu master who incorporates the robot and the moonwalk into his fighting repertoire. There's also a song with the raunchy lyrics "Though the sugarcane is small, it is hard as iron" that they sing to the tune of "It's a Small World." Whew. It doesn't make a lot of sense, but it's very funny and quickly paced, and the fight scenes are creative. This is the type of kung-fu movie that you have to pause every once in a while just to catch your breath. Something strange though--the version I watched was subtitled instead of being dubbed. Major bummer, and it probably didn't help me understand the plot any, but there were some (I'm guessing) poorly translated subtitles that were funny.

"So me ate what he grew."

"I am using abdominal language to joke with you."

And some dirty talk during a sex scene: "How is it? Is it comfortable and interesting?" If I ever have sex again, I'm going to say that.

The Magic Blade

1976 kung-fu movie

Rating: 15/20

Plot: Yen Nan-Fei arrives to battle master swordsman Fu Hung-Hsieh to settle a dispute over who is the better sword fighter. While they're fighting, they are attacked by professional assassins. They decide to have lunch instead and are attacked by more assassins. They have to work together, procure some exploding Peacock Darts, and figure out who's behind the plot to get rid of them.

Everybody was kung-fu fightin' in this one from the first minute to the last. And these cats, with their assortment of swords and other cool weapons (fans, Peacock Darts, explosives, a loaf of bread), are fast as lightnin'. The sword play, as good as you'd expect from a Shaw Brothers production, is seasoned with just the right amount of fantasy elements. You get impossible acrobatics, swords that can cut the branches off tree from a distance, doors and windows that close with the wave of magical hands. It's over the top, but it's never over over the top. The main character (Fu Hung) is a typical kung-fu action hero but there's a sprinkling of Clint Eastwood and Sherlock Holmes in him that gives him some depth. The antagonists are also interesting, mystical and mysterious, and the fight scenes are ingeniously fast and furious. I especially liked the cannibalistic and acrobatic Devil's Granny and the guy who made the good guys play Chinese chess. The Magic Blade has a story that only gets complicated at the very end, and I imagine its wall-to-wall action scenes would please aficionados of kung-fu fantasy flicks.