The Curious Dr. Hummp

1969 raunchy sci-fi horror B-movie

Rating: 7/20

Plot: A crazy scientist, under the direction of something that sort of resembles a brain that is kept in a glass jar, sends ghoulish thugs out to kidnap people having sex. Then, using some rock-solid science, he's able to use their orgasms to prolong his life or something. Reporter George and stripper Rachel, with the help of a scorned nurse, try to escape before they have to have sex in the presence of a zombie guy with a ukulele.

At one point, Dr. Hummp, a guy with a superfluous M in his name, says that he wants to create "veritable screwing machines." Sure, Dr. Hummp is using others to benefit himself and make the brain-in-a-jar happy. He's selfish and, with that whole using zombies to kidnap people thing, probably evil. Say what you want about evil and selfish scientists, but would being kidnapped and forced to have sex all the time be all that bad? I'm not sure these people have much to complain about. Honestly, I wouldn't mind being a veritable screwing machine myself. This is no-budget, poorly written and even more poorly dubbed, and exploitative. You can almost imagine the producers watching an early cut and having this conversation:

"Oh, man. Our movie sucks and is way too short."

"Yeah, I thought the monster guys would look more menacing. They just kind of stand around or approach their victims very slowly."

"I'm not really sure this plot makes any sense, fellas."

"Well, it's back to the drawing board. We can't release a forty-two minute movie. Especially one that nobody would want to watch five minutes of."

"I've got a way we can fix both problems--the short time and the suckiness."

"Oh yeah? How's that?"

"Let's add forty-five minutes of nudity!"

"That's a brilliant idea!"

The naked starts early and never really goes away. You get a lengthy depravity montage featuring strippers, lesbians, heterosexual couples, a woman pleasuring herself, and a guy in a striped shirt who was probably supposed to be a homosexual, all who unfortunately are about to be pervknapped by a slow-footed goon with a chloroform-drenched napkin. Then, you get a little plot. It's not enough to distract from all the naked people, of course, but it's enough so that the back of the dvd box can say something other than "There's a mad scientist doing some stuff and a lot of naked people!" Don't let the image of the top goon holding a ukulele below fool you into thinking this is one of those B-movies that's actually good. Yeah, that's a pretty awesome shot, and there's another scene where the goon plays his instrument, but this is not a movie that is worth seeking out.

And I'm adding "veritable screwing machine" to my resume.

The Man of the Year

2003 Brazilian movie

Rating: 13/20

Plot: An unemployed 20-something with nothing exciting whatsoever on the horizon loses a soccer bet and has to dye his hair blond. His new hairdo adds some unanticipated pizazz to his life, and with a new confidence, he's able to ask out that pretty hairdresser and he's able to shoot the guy who called him a fag. That murder makes him a popular guy with local entrepreneurs and inspires his dentist to recruit him as security for businessmen willing to pay him.

This has cool covered. The Man of the Year is stylish, and the premise is as nifty as it is improbable. It sure is a jumpy movie, both visually with some quick cuts and handheld camera work and with a oft-disjointed plot. The jumpy plot isn't really a criticism. The story skims along, touches the high points, and focuses more on the causes and their effects. In a way, it lacks depth, but it's usually entertaining. My main criticism is that I had trouble feeling anything for the main character. I wanted (and I'm guessing the director wanted me) to like him, but there are a few moments when he does some reprehensible things and is guilty the entire movie of selfishness. In a voiceover at the beginning of the movie, the protagonist tells us that God has messed up his life in ingenuous ways, but I failed to see it. He was sort of driven by forces he couldn't control, but I wasn't sure these forces were driving him into a negative place exactly. So thematically, I thought this was pretty uneven. I'm not sure what the makers of this were trying to say about life in Brazilian slums or if there was any social commentary at all, but the poor urban backdrop did seem to add a little more than just texture to story.