Jackass 3

2010 high art

Rating: 13/20

Plot: More comic mischief from the Jackasses. This time, they utilize 3-D technology so that it looks like the fecal matter is coming right into your living room! Huzzah!

Well, I felt like showering after watching this one, so that's something. I didn't watch this in 3-D, of course, but I can see where that would have been kind of fun. The colorful and gimmicky opening scene has the boys being pelted with paintball pellets, kicked in the face, and abused with little booby traps that might have been borrowed from Wily E. Coyote's attic. And they're wearing funny costumes. And some times it all happens in this slow motion. Now I don't possess a high-def television, but the images in this were impressively crisp anyway, fantastic news if you want to see every detail of a fat guy wearing some transparent plastic suit designed to make him ooze sweat. Or vomit. Or poop. Or urine. Or hair glued to somebody's palms right after it's been yanked from some other guy's chest. You get the idea. This is definitely not the movie I'd pick to watch with my grandmother if, following some miracle, she was resurrected and really wanted to watch a movie with me. Unless she picked it, of course. I'm not going to deny the dead the right to select a movie for movie night. There's something nice about seeing the jackasses willing to do all this gross or dangerous or gross and dangerous stuff despite their advancing ages. You get the sense that some are doing these things reluctantly though. And the stunts in Jackass 3(D) aren't as consistently hilarious as the ones in part two, the Empire Strikes Back of Jackass movies. I think they peaked (Wait a second. There's no way peaked is the right word here.) with number two. But I had more than a few chuckles, and as with the other stuff, I'm glad I watched it. I laughed most heartily at a scene involving a score or more of little people, one of their set-up/written gags. I'm a grade school kid in a thirty-seven year old's body though, so I, of course, enjoyed the slapstick as well. After all, if you can't appreciate video footage of a guy getting hit in the balls, you're just not a real American. There are people who could argue that the world would be a better place without these movies. I'm not sure I could successfully argue with those people actually, but I'm happy the movies do exist. Long live the Jackasses!

Audience of One

2007 documentary that my brother will be pissed I watched without him so I'd better hurry up and type a bunch of entries with the hope that he won't see this

Rating: 15/20

Plot: Because Joseph and His Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat wasn't quite amazing enough, God speaks to Richard, a Pentecostal preacher from California, and tells him he needs to make a science fiction movie based on Joseph's story. His congregation helps fund the project while Richard works hard to find other investors to help raise the fifty million dollars the first-time director wants to work with. Unfortunately, God doesn't seem to like what happens in pre-production and decides not to support the project any more. But Richard and his congregation, still convinced that they've been called to make the film, keep trying to do everything they can to make Gravity: The Shadow of Joseph a reality.

On the one hand, you almost want to commend Richard for his faith and for his creative spirit. He's a man, for better or for worse, who is bursting with ideas. But that one hand is so far away from the other hand, a much larger and more conspicuous and screaming hand. And on that hand, you want this guy to be punished for biting off far more than he can chew, ripping off a flock that really doesn't look like it can afford to be ripped off, and for being about as delusional as an individual can be. Don't get me wrong--I have nothing against delusions. But Richard's delusions are potentially harmful, the best example in this film probably being where one of his crew asks if it's safe for kids to be around some horses and getting the answer "Don't worry about that." There's a wonderful moment in the movie when, after spending a nice wad of movie to film in a neat spot in Italy, they encounter problem after problem. One of the problems is that their camera stops working. Oh, snap, right? Not if you're Richard who announced, "God called us here to shoot this movie, and we're going to shoot this movie--camera or no camera." It's not a leap of faith as much as it's a triple-jump of faith or a pole vault of faith. Later, after the church rents a San Francisco movie studio that they eventually can't afford the rent on after shooting what seemed to be zero hours of footage, Richard starts to get really paranoid, even setting up security so that nobody will bust in and steal their ideas. "It's either God or I'm crazy," he claims at one point, and you'll come away from this believing it's definitely one of those. By the end of the movie, Richard's completely lost his mind, promising his congregation that God has sent him a vision in which they'll be making forty-seven films a year, own eight TV networks, have their own airport, and (believe it or not) colonize another planet. Got news for you, Richard. It ain't God. Since this is a documentary about Pentecostals, you know you're going to be treated or creeped out by some scenes showcasing their religious practices, and there's a nifty scene where they're sanctifying the studio, a process that involves a great deal of shouting and these really strange horns. A lot of the cast is entertaining. The guy who plays the "horned captain" (I went to a Bible college, but I don't remember a "horned captain" in the Joseph story.), actor Daniel who plays Spirf, and a tubby and high-maintenance trippin' stunt man could all be in any movie that God tells me to make.

Don't tell Anonymous that I watched this.

I'm Still Here

2010 mockumentary

Rating: 15/20

Plot: River Phoenix's little brother Joaquin decides that enough's enough and announces his retirement from acting. In the aftermath of that decision, Ben Affleck's little brother Casey follows him around with a camera to document Hollywood's response and the birth of Joaquin's new career in hip hop.

Here's who ends up looking really good in this movie: Puff Daddy (or whatever the hell he goes by these days), David Letterman, and Edward James Olmos. The latter's speech (see below) is so freakin' good. I'm not sure if any of these guys were in on the joke (I think I heard that Letterman was), but if they were, their "performances" as themselves were really good. It's really hard to play yourself both realistically and naturally. Ask Joaquin Phoenix because his performance in this is wildly uneven. I sometimes bought that he was a real person living the Charlie Sheen life, struggling with public life and the emotions that it brings and excited about his new career as a terrible rapper. There were other times when it just didn't click. Casey Affleck claims this was the performance of his career, and in chunks, it is impressive. When he's got one take to work with (the television appearances or interviews, the rap concert), he delivers something authentic. There are some scenes where his drugged-out and haggard character just seemed like an over-acting job. (i.e. "Do the fucking snow angel!") The movie also seems very very long, and some of the scenes just dragged. "Ok," I said aloud several times, "I get it. Move on to Joaquin doing something else shocking." I went into this expecting a train wreck, and a train wreck I got. A very long train wreck. A train wreck in slow motion. But I liked the idea behind the experiment and similar to the Sasha Baron Cohen pseudo-documentaries, it uses those not in on the joke to satirize society. In this case, it's looking at the public's expectation of their matinee idols; their obsession with the rich and famous, especially when they're in the process of crashing and burning; and that fuzzy line between real person and entertainer. I was caught off guard by how much I had to think while watching the train wreck. I was also caught off guard by how much I liked this since I really just popped it in for the novelty and didn't even expect to finish the thing. I do wonder what this will do to Phoenix's career. It doesn't seem like he's got any movies coming out any time soon.

Here's Olmos's speech: "That's you, drops of water and you're on top of the mountain of success. But one day you start sliding down the mountain and you think wait a minute; I'm a mountain top water drop. I don't belong in this valley, this river, this low dark ocean with all these drops of water. Then one day it gets hot and you slowly evaporate into air, way up, higher than any mountain top, all the way to the heavens. Then you understand that it was at your lowest that you were closest to God. Life's a journey that goes round and round and the end is closest to the beginning. So if it's change you need, relish the journey."

No End in Sight

2007 horror movie

Rating: 15/20

Plot: A documentary about how our elected officials and the people they work closely with are sometimes really silly.

Quick confession: This documentary was so scary that I eventually decided to mute my television. Watching the antics of Dubya, Dick "The Man with One Face" Cheney, Booty Rice, and Donald Duck without the sound wasn't any less scary, so I ended up playing "Yakety Sax" over and over again as a soundtrack to the film. Then, I watched the documentary at twice the normal speed so that it looked more like outtakes from Benny Hill's show. It turned out to be hilarious that way! I typically avoid politics, and I didn't really need to be reminded about the goings-on of what will undoubtedly later be thought of as a Mt. Rushmore of ruination and American embarrassment. I'd be lying if I said I enjoyed this, and I'm not sure I really know enough to figure out if I'm being duped by a deluge of propaganda. I'm also not sure how much of this is new information or how much is just a rehash of stuff I would already know if I paid attention to the always-reliable American media. I did think a lot of this--image juxtaposition, the repeated "declined to be interviewed for this film" line, one-sided narration--was a little too obvious; the statistics and interviews of the people involved were effective by themselves. This is shocking, jaw-droppingly so, like a horror movie where you already know the ending but are stuck on the edge of your seat anyway. I'd love to watch this with a Bush supporter to find out how he'd justify any of this. God, I wish this was a mockumentary.

The hippie half of Cory recommended this documentary.

Marjoe / Thoth

1972 documentary

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Follows Marjoe (combines the names Mary and Joseph) Gortner on a tour of Pentecostal tent revivals and churches. Marjoe became a preacher at age 4, exploited by his parents but winnin' souls to Jesus throughout the Bible belt. He resurrects (pun intended!) his career as a rockin' evangelist in his twenties, not as a believer but as a charlatan. He assembles a film crew to chronicle what will wind up being his last revival tour.

I knew of Marjoe because I had a copy of some recordings he'd done as a child. He's a fascinating figure, and I watched this wondering why the heck he was allowing himself to be filmed since it would end his fraudulent career as a half-chicken/half-Rolling Stone
fire-and-brimstoner. I probably didn't need to see him at work so much, especially in the sort of uninterrupted way he's shown, but he's charisma is addictive and it's easy to see why so many are duped by this sort of thing. The Pentecostals are bewildering and fascinating anyway, but this behind-the-scenes stuff is just great. Marjoe shows us the man behind the curtain, divulging secrets of how these little medicine shows work. It's amazing to me how likably greasy this guy is, and I thought the footage from his youth was, aside from slightly creepy, really great. He was even greasy as a kid.

I was going to write about it separately, but Thoth, a documentary short (forty minutes) about an eccentric "spiritual hermaphrodite" street performer, was also included. I really enjoyed watching it, too. Here's a guy who performs a one-man opera in a tunnel in Central Park, accompanying himself on a gypsy's violin and foot percussion. I was blown away by his otherworldly vocals. There's nothing terribly interesting about his life story although I did find it all uplifting in an odd sort of way. The best thing about this documentary might be the footage of the crowd watching his spirited performance. There's one shot where the camera pans over several people with their mouths wide open. Cory, you can go ahead and add this to the list of individuals with whom you'd not want to spend time.