The Draughtsman's Contract

1982 Peter Greenaway movie

Rating: 17/20

Plot: Mr. Neville, the titular Draughtsman, is hired by the wife of a rich guy to draw twelve sketches of his property while her husband is away. The price? Twelve sexual favors, the going rate in 17th Century England. As he sketches, he begins to unravel some secrets about the family, secrets that gradually start to involve him.

I've probably pointed this out before, but I'm not really smart enough to be watching Peter Greenaway movies. I just pretended to like The Falls because it was the first year of this blog's existence, and I wanted all the readers I was going to have to be impressed with my intellect. Other Greenaway movies fly so far over my feeble head that I can't enjoy them at all. And sometimes, they just have too much of Ewan McGregor's penis. This one fogged up the brain, but I enjoyed its characters, their period dialogue as ornamental and frilly as their garden and wardrobes, and the way Greenaway frames his scenes. This is Greenaway's first narrative film, and he came out with his ideas guns blazing. I've criticized him for having way too many ideas, being so intellectually gloopy that there's no way the average person can connect to his movies, but there's something comforting in knowing that the artsy-fartsiness hasn't been something that developed over time but that existed right from the get-go. This puzzling little movie reminded me a lot of Last Year at Marienbad, a riddle that was a favorite from a couple years ago. Like that movie, there's nothing happening that is all that bizarre (most of the movie is a guy drawing sketches with Peter Greenaway's hand) but their interactions just don't seem right. Of course, this movie does have a statue that walks around or sometimes urinates. You can add "Peeing Statue Man" to my list of Favorite Characters Who Don't Get Any Lines. Michael Nyman provides the score. It's a gorgeous and strange film that might give you the most enjoyable headache you'll ever have. Surprisingly, there's not much nudity at all, so you perverts looking for that sort of thing should find something else to watch. Actually, almost all of you should find something else to watch.

The Bed Sitting Room

1969 post-apocalyptic black comedy

Rating: 16/20

Plot: It's three or four years after the misunderstanding and unfortunate incident, namely the accidental start of a nuclear war that lasted two minutes and twenty-eight seconds including the signing of the peace treaty. Characters wander through a decimated and desolate England filled with broken dishes and mounds of shoes and dusty abandoned traffic jams. You've got a couple parents trying to take care of their daughter, a young woman who is seventeen months pregnant. You've got her beau, a guy in a white suit. You've got a guy who is convinced that he is turning into the titular bed sitting room. They all search for hope and peace in post-apocalyptic England while the new queen-by-default, Mrs. Ethel Shroake, sits atop her horse in front of an arch constructed of washing machines.

This absurdist Richard Lester film based on a play by Spike Milligan is a surreal, post-apocalyptic trip, like a more consistent and headier Monty Python. No, it's not a laugh-a-minute comedy. It's wry and dry and dreamily English, a Puddin' Pop for the subconscious. I was hooked during the opening credits when the actors are listed according to height instead of the typical order of appearance or billing. Dudley Moore was the second shortest on the list, by the way. I have a high tolerance for the absurd in movies and, ironically perhaps, a low tolerance for the absurd in everyday life. I realize that some people probably wouldn't find a movie where so many characters randomly and maybe senselessly turn into bed sitting rooms, parrots, and wardrobes very funny at all. I'm a sucker for that sort of thing though. Along with Dudley Moore, you get his partner-in-funny Peter Cook as his co-police-inspector riding in a funky hot-air balloon and Marty Feldman (you'd recognize him) as a nurse. I was most impressed with the landscapes assembled for post-apocalyptic England. Nearly vacant, a vast expanse of abandoned junk, those aforementioned shoe hills and broken china, and escalators leading to nowhere, I really bought the world and it's handful of inhabitants. It's all darkly cheeky and drearily comedic. And there may be some Swiftian satire packed in with all the garbage and ash, but I was missing too much context to pick up on it. I was just in it for the Puddin' Pop anyway. Next time I see this, it'll be back-to-back with Dr. Strangelove, by the way.

Look at that poster! No wonder nobody saw this movie in 1969!

Pirate Radio

2009 comedy

Rating: 15/20

Plot: Somewhere off the English coast, some hell raisers broadcast bloody rock 'n' roll for the masses. A handful of politicians want to put a stop to it.

I thought this looked decent when it came out, heard that it wasn't decent at all, and was pleasantly surprised. Pirate Radio has lots to love. There's a great ensemble cast which includes the versatile Philip Seymour Hoffman, that one guy, that other guy, the always-hilarious Rhys Darby (Yes Man and The Flight of the Concords), that one guy who did the funny bit in that one movie, and Rhys Ifans (another Rhys; that might break my record for most actors named Rhys in one movie). Seriously, I kept seeing actors I nearly recognized in this movie, people I knew had been funny in other things. This was almost like a more raucous Wes Anderson movie. It's narratively uneven, perhaps a little too episodic. The scenes often seem like a collection of jokes, and not all the punchlines are that funny. But for the most part, this cheeky little movie sails along quickly enough and entertains with its caricatures, its irrelevancy, and its loose-goosey, playful structure. And that soundtrack? It's packed to the gills with the rawk! I might be a bit of a sucker for movies with lots of characters who don't do much of anything except talk over each other (see: lots of Robert Altman movies), and Pirate Radio is about the most entertaining a movie about characters being bored out of their minds can be.

Tight Little Island (Whiskey Galore!)

1949 comedy

Rating: 16/20

Plot: Based on the true story of a tiny Scottish island whose inhabitants are mourning the lack of whiskey (oh, snap!) until a ship carrying boxes and boxes of the stuff wrecks within peeing distance. They grab as much as they can, but are forced to hide their booty when the authorities come to investigate.

Another winner from Ealing, this tight little movie manages to shove in a whole lot of funny into roughly the same amount of time one of those Robin Williams' improvisational ramblings lasts. I liked this movie like I like black licorice or like I like writing sentences with way too many likes in them. The flavor is undeniably unique, something that a lot of people might not be able to appreciate very much, but it hits just the right spot with me. The actors are absorbed into this dinky little seaside town, and it's the look at the characters as much as the look of the town that gives this so much color. This briskly paced farcical movie didn't waste any of my time. We're introduced to a conflict, a situation comes along to push things along humorously, and it ends. There wasn't anything that had me on the floor laughing my ass off (OTFLMAO as the kids say), but the situations kept a smile on my face almost the entire time. I really loved the townsfolk's attempt, shown in a delightful montage, to hide the plundered spirits. That's right, readers. I just used the word delightful. It's a good word to describe this movie actually. I do wonder if there's a better dvd release of this though. I wonder if this unfairly lost a rating point or two because of how murky the picture I got was. Maybe Criterion should take care of business with this one.

Another quality Cory recommendation. It's good to know that the guy's good for something! OTFLMAO!